True ecstasy is passive: it overwhelms the heart without any intention or deliberate effort.
It is the fruit of spiritual devotion and worship.
The deeper is your devotion to God, and the more intense is your worship, the more likely you are to receive ecstasy from God.
In a state of ecstasy the heart is lost to God.
-Qushayri, "Risalah"
Monday, July 09, 2007
True Love
O Beloved of hearts, I beseech only You.
Have pity this day on those who turn to You.
My Hope, my Rest, my Delight,
this heart can love none other but You.
-Rabi'a, "Rabi'a the Mystic"
Have pity this day on those who turn to You.
My Hope, my Rest, my Delight,
this heart can love none other but You.
-Rabi'a, "Rabi'a the Mystic"
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Addressing God
When people address God in words – in the form of intimate conversation, petition and pleading, gratitude, remorse and repentance, and so on – they are in a position of separateness from God.
When they address God directly through the heart, and when they listen to him in the heart, they are in a position of union with God.
-Qushayri, "Risalah"
When they address God directly through the heart, and when they listen to him in the heart, they are in a position of union with God.
-Qushayri, "Risalah"
Friday, June 15, 2007
Martial Arts - Self-Defense or Self-Realization?
Martial Arts for Self-Defense or Self-Realization?
Toward Resolving the Dilemma of Identity among
Contemporary Muslims:
Modeling the Way and Life of the Pendekar
By
Abdul-Lateef Abdullah
Traditional Arts of War – the Original Path and Purpose
Within the original understanding of many of the world’s traditional warrior arts, also known today as ‘martial arts’, the concept of “self-defense” is non-existent. In modern times, martial arts are taught and learned under the guise of ‘self-defense’, which connotes a purely physical exercise aimed at acquiring skills to preserve the physical body or property from external attack or threat. It is an activity taught and practiced almost entirely on the physical level. The traditional approach to warrior arts, however, regardless of their place or people of origin, is not as the defense of self but toward the actualization of Self to its true and authentic state. This path contains many stages that a student must progress through in order to achieve Self-realization. The great masters of the traditional warrior arts knew – as some still do today - that the origins and source of all war lies within the weaknesses of the human Self, and it was only by ‘becoming war’ through a life of self-purification, training and exertion, and the acquisition of authentic spiritual knowledge that the human Self could be purified and transformed into a tool for achieving and establishing real peace.
This tradition can be found in the Malay warrior arts such as Gayong, for example, an art whose philosophical and spiritual foundation is rooted in Islam and the science of tasawwuf. In this tradition, as the student increases his or her knowledge and perfection of Gayong on a physical plane, he moves simultaneously – through knowledge acquisition and spiritual striving -- toward perfecting himself on a spiritual one. As a result, as the Gayong practitioner becomes more physically capable in the martial aspects of his art, in contrast, his demeanor increases in humility, selflessness, politeness and an overall peacefulness that others notice and want for themselves. His ferocity is limited to the training sphere (gelanggang), unless in the rare case that his skills and abilities are called upon as a result of external aggression. For as the murid (disciple) increases in outward ability, inwardly, his heart moves closer to intimacy with his Lord, for he knows that all of his skills, abilities, knowledge, trials, tests and fortunes are from Him. In the process, the student gains further insight along the way as to his own true nature; its strengths, weaknesses and utter dependence on God (faqr).
The Way of the Pendekar
In time, from the deep peacefulness and God-realization emerges the authentic Self of the pendekar (traditional Malay warrior). When the authentic Self is liberated from the bonds of the lower self and its worldly attachments, the pendekar’s purpose and mission becomes manifest. The soul is then liberated and free to do the work for which it was created. Self-realization turns into complete God-dependence and intimacy, resulting in a pure and total devotion toward servanthood. The warrior, in turn, becomes a healer whose lifelong efforts turn toward healing the hearts of his fellowmen men through knowledge of God and the path of surrender to Him. The war, therefore, whose main sphere was the Self, shifts to the outward realm, where the authentic Self goes about its work of service to its Lord.
The work of achieving and abiding in the authentic Self is the way of life of the pendekar. It is not merely analogy and historical account, moreover, for such masters still exist today, though they may be difficult to come by. Those who know such people, however, know that as walis or ‘friends of God’, they bear the mark of humility. Without pretense, they go about their work without regard for titles, attention, or public regard of any kind. They eat humbly, speak humbly, act humbly and live among the people, yet at the same time remain a degree removed from them. They make no outward displays of religiosity and often times, only those who have benefited from their services or assistance even know of their spiritual gifts and stations. Quite simply, they are known only through their simple and humble behavior and service to their neighbors and fellow man. Their “identity” as masters is known only to Allah, and perhaps their families, students, fellow teachers and few others.
The pendekar, in his simple way, is essentially identity-less. He is not preoccupied with forging an identity, or of creating an image for himself, for he knows that what people think of him is Allah’s will and not his to worry about. As a true servant, he has little need for portraying himself as something. His striving is with his heart and his deeds, for his only object of desire is his Lord. He is not preoccupied with making himself known; rather, he only desires to be known by those who need his help. He would rather stay anonymous, do the work he is asked to do, and return to remembrance and worship of his Creator, his source of true joy and contentment. Though he is often called on to help others, he is never ungrateful for the inconveniences he might be forced to suffer, or the lack of compensation that his work might entail. In a word, he is grateful for whatever his Lord sends him, and whatever he receives from Him is sufficient.
The pendekar’s years of physical and spiritual striving, Self-discovery, and acquisition and application of knowledge from his masters wipe away any trace of preoccupation with status and prestige. Through his struggles he has found his true Self and knows with total conviction and clarity who and what he is. His heart is filled and fixated only on Allah, the source of everything. His identity is not formed from an ego-driven need to be known. His identity, rather, is that which he is known by, which is his usefulness to creation, purity of heart and unflinching willingness to help others without prejudice.
From the humble life of the pendekar, legends are born. Many a tradition in the Malay Archipelago exists of the walis of Allah who have lived their lives in this simple yet noble manner. Though the most humble of men, their life stories are preserved and passed down through the generations. Masters become masters because they do not seek elevation in the eyes of men. They seek Allah and because they seek Allah, He raises their rank in the eyes of men, for He has power over ALL things and takes care of His friends. The pendekar is thus loved, feared, hoped for and admired by men precisely because he makes no effort toward obtaining the admiration of human beings.
Toward an Authentic Muslim Identity: Integrating the Lessons of the Pendekar
The lessons of the pendekar and the traditional warrior arts are integral toward understanding what we truly seek in our quest for Muslim identity. In this day and age, many Muslims, particularly those living in the West, are deeply concerned with the issue of obtaining and preserving a ‘Muslim identity’. We are very concerned, it seems, with others knowing who we are, and even more importantly, our youth knowing what it means to identify as Muslims. Unlike the example of the pendekar, however, the modern-day need for an identity often equates to portraying a certain Islamic image, rather than what it means – in practice - to be human beings living in a state of surrender to the Divine. Muslim identity in the former vein focuses on form and image rather than the quality of character and actions.
Muslim identity among the spiritual elect is about behavior that is a product of God-consciousness (taqwa), rather than appearance or mimicry. Identity is not about trying to appear as anything, but about realizing what and who we truly are and being conscious of it at all times. Too often, we try to build an identity by mimicking actions based on what we have been told is ‘Muslim behavior’. This usually takes the form of our dress, our speech, and our ‘persona’. Outward displays of religiosity, however, without the inner intention and sincerity of purifying the heart are harmful rather than helpful. They build up the false Self, (i.e. the ego-personality, the nafs), which lies to us by telling us that by appearing a certain way, we will be, in fact, Muslims. In actuality, we will be doing nothing more than acting like Muslims, playing the part if you will, rather than living in a state of heart and mind-full surrender to Allah. For the latter requires humility and the lack of desire to be seen by others as pious or religious.
When the heart is fixated on Allah, what results is the natural inclination toward servanthood. Servanthood’s mark is - obviously - service, which is manifested in behavior that aims at forging unity, for Allah is the One who loves unity. Servanthood contains no pretense and thus no image. An individual can serve in any number of ways. The Prophet (SAW) himself said the best among you are those that give the most benefit to others. Beginning with our obligatory worship to Allah (of which all forms are sadaqah) and then to our communal responsibilities, the list of service is virtually limitless – plant a tree, feed a child (even your own!), help an older person, pick up trash, sweep the floor, etc, etc.
Muslim identity is thus not forged by a desire to be seen by men. This is image-building which is from the false Self and arguably a form of shirk – ‘playing God’ if you will. Living in a community as Muslims, i.e. in a state of Islam (surrender), that is not out to impress others but whose focus is on Allah, self-discipline and hard work, humility, compassion, selfless service and working toward creating peace and unity – is a community worthy of being known. Work and surrender in these difficult times are virtues that should be the mark of Muslims and will set us apart if we are sincere. They will not set us apart in a way that forges division, however, but in such a way that draws others to us and in so doing, elevates everyone to greater heights of human understanding, conduct and character.
If, on the other hand, we are preoccupied with portraying an outward image of religiosity that exudes exclusivity and pretense and is coupled with a personality to boot, this can only result in more division rather than unity. And we all know that ‘divide and conquer’ is the great weapon of Iblis. Why might Iblis, the great enemy of God and man, use division to destroy us? Perhaps because it is the opposite of what Allah wants, which is unity? Is not Allah the Divine Unity and does not ultimate success lie with and in Him? Superficial notions of identity can bring no benefit to us or anyone, no matter how ‘Islamic’ our egos might tell us they are.
Substance over Form
The examples of the pendekar are thus lessons in substance over form, and practice over pretense. The only identity that matters to such a one is that which stems from sincerity and action -- a reward for what exists in our hearts. Allah will always show us a mirror image of ourselves through others’ perceptions of us and how we carry ourselves. Our concern, therefore, should not be on how to forge an identity for the purpose of winning others over but rather on being and behaving in a manner that is worthy of Allah’s grace and support. This can only come about when we begin to see ourselves as servants above all else and the world as a place in need of unity and peace rather than division and tribal competitiveness.
Toward Resolving the Dilemma of Identity among
Contemporary Muslims:
Modeling the Way and Life of the Pendekar
By
Abdul-Lateef Abdullah
Traditional Arts of War – the Original Path and Purpose
Within the original understanding of many of the world’s traditional warrior arts, also known today as ‘martial arts’, the concept of “self-defense” is non-existent. In modern times, martial arts are taught and learned under the guise of ‘self-defense’, which connotes a purely physical exercise aimed at acquiring skills to preserve the physical body or property from external attack or threat. It is an activity taught and practiced almost entirely on the physical level. The traditional approach to warrior arts, however, regardless of their place or people of origin, is not as the defense of self but toward the actualization of Self to its true and authentic state. This path contains many stages that a student must progress through in order to achieve Self-realization. The great masters of the traditional warrior arts knew – as some still do today - that the origins and source of all war lies within the weaknesses of the human Self, and it was only by ‘becoming war’ through a life of self-purification, training and exertion, and the acquisition of authentic spiritual knowledge that the human Self could be purified and transformed into a tool for achieving and establishing real peace.
This tradition can be found in the Malay warrior arts such as Gayong, for example, an art whose philosophical and spiritual foundation is rooted in Islam and the science of tasawwuf. In this tradition, as the student increases his or her knowledge and perfection of Gayong on a physical plane, he moves simultaneously – through knowledge acquisition and spiritual striving -- toward perfecting himself on a spiritual one. As a result, as the Gayong practitioner becomes more physically capable in the martial aspects of his art, in contrast, his demeanor increases in humility, selflessness, politeness and an overall peacefulness that others notice and want for themselves. His ferocity is limited to the training sphere (gelanggang), unless in the rare case that his skills and abilities are called upon as a result of external aggression. For as the murid (disciple) increases in outward ability, inwardly, his heart moves closer to intimacy with his Lord, for he knows that all of his skills, abilities, knowledge, trials, tests and fortunes are from Him. In the process, the student gains further insight along the way as to his own true nature; its strengths, weaknesses and utter dependence on God (faqr).
The Way of the Pendekar
In time, from the deep peacefulness and God-realization emerges the authentic Self of the pendekar (traditional Malay warrior). When the authentic Self is liberated from the bonds of the lower self and its worldly attachments, the pendekar’s purpose and mission becomes manifest. The soul is then liberated and free to do the work for which it was created. Self-realization turns into complete God-dependence and intimacy, resulting in a pure and total devotion toward servanthood. The warrior, in turn, becomes a healer whose lifelong efforts turn toward healing the hearts of his fellowmen men through knowledge of God and the path of surrender to Him. The war, therefore, whose main sphere was the Self, shifts to the outward realm, where the authentic Self goes about its work of service to its Lord.
The work of achieving and abiding in the authentic Self is the way of life of the pendekar. It is not merely analogy and historical account, moreover, for such masters still exist today, though they may be difficult to come by. Those who know such people, however, know that as walis or ‘friends of God’, they bear the mark of humility. Without pretense, they go about their work without regard for titles, attention, or public regard of any kind. They eat humbly, speak humbly, act humbly and live among the people, yet at the same time remain a degree removed from them. They make no outward displays of religiosity and often times, only those who have benefited from their services or assistance even know of their spiritual gifts and stations. Quite simply, they are known only through their simple and humble behavior and service to their neighbors and fellow man. Their “identity” as masters is known only to Allah, and perhaps their families, students, fellow teachers and few others.
The pendekar, in his simple way, is essentially identity-less. He is not preoccupied with forging an identity, or of creating an image for himself, for he knows that what people think of him is Allah’s will and not his to worry about. As a true servant, he has little need for portraying himself as something. His striving is with his heart and his deeds, for his only object of desire is his Lord. He is not preoccupied with making himself known; rather, he only desires to be known by those who need his help. He would rather stay anonymous, do the work he is asked to do, and return to remembrance and worship of his Creator, his source of true joy and contentment. Though he is often called on to help others, he is never ungrateful for the inconveniences he might be forced to suffer, or the lack of compensation that his work might entail. In a word, he is grateful for whatever his Lord sends him, and whatever he receives from Him is sufficient.
The pendekar’s years of physical and spiritual striving, Self-discovery, and acquisition and application of knowledge from his masters wipe away any trace of preoccupation with status and prestige. Through his struggles he has found his true Self and knows with total conviction and clarity who and what he is. His heart is filled and fixated only on Allah, the source of everything. His identity is not formed from an ego-driven need to be known. His identity, rather, is that which he is known by, which is his usefulness to creation, purity of heart and unflinching willingness to help others without prejudice.
From the humble life of the pendekar, legends are born. Many a tradition in the Malay Archipelago exists of the walis of Allah who have lived their lives in this simple yet noble manner. Though the most humble of men, their life stories are preserved and passed down through the generations. Masters become masters because they do not seek elevation in the eyes of men. They seek Allah and because they seek Allah, He raises their rank in the eyes of men, for He has power over ALL things and takes care of His friends. The pendekar is thus loved, feared, hoped for and admired by men precisely because he makes no effort toward obtaining the admiration of human beings.
Toward an Authentic Muslim Identity: Integrating the Lessons of the Pendekar
The lessons of the pendekar and the traditional warrior arts are integral toward understanding what we truly seek in our quest for Muslim identity. In this day and age, many Muslims, particularly those living in the West, are deeply concerned with the issue of obtaining and preserving a ‘Muslim identity’. We are very concerned, it seems, with others knowing who we are, and even more importantly, our youth knowing what it means to identify as Muslims. Unlike the example of the pendekar, however, the modern-day need for an identity often equates to portraying a certain Islamic image, rather than what it means – in practice - to be human beings living in a state of surrender to the Divine. Muslim identity in the former vein focuses on form and image rather than the quality of character and actions.
Muslim identity among the spiritual elect is about behavior that is a product of God-consciousness (taqwa), rather than appearance or mimicry. Identity is not about trying to appear as anything, but about realizing what and who we truly are and being conscious of it at all times. Too often, we try to build an identity by mimicking actions based on what we have been told is ‘Muslim behavior’. This usually takes the form of our dress, our speech, and our ‘persona’. Outward displays of religiosity, however, without the inner intention and sincerity of purifying the heart are harmful rather than helpful. They build up the false Self, (i.e. the ego-personality, the nafs), which lies to us by telling us that by appearing a certain way, we will be, in fact, Muslims. In actuality, we will be doing nothing more than acting like Muslims, playing the part if you will, rather than living in a state of heart and mind-full surrender to Allah. For the latter requires humility and the lack of desire to be seen by others as pious or religious.
When the heart is fixated on Allah, what results is the natural inclination toward servanthood. Servanthood’s mark is - obviously - service, which is manifested in behavior that aims at forging unity, for Allah is the One who loves unity. Servanthood contains no pretense and thus no image. An individual can serve in any number of ways. The Prophet (SAW) himself said the best among you are those that give the most benefit to others. Beginning with our obligatory worship to Allah (of which all forms are sadaqah) and then to our communal responsibilities, the list of service is virtually limitless – plant a tree, feed a child (even your own!), help an older person, pick up trash, sweep the floor, etc, etc.
Muslim identity is thus not forged by a desire to be seen by men. This is image-building which is from the false Self and arguably a form of shirk – ‘playing God’ if you will. Living in a community as Muslims, i.e. in a state of Islam (surrender), that is not out to impress others but whose focus is on Allah, self-discipline and hard work, humility, compassion, selfless service and working toward creating peace and unity – is a community worthy of being known. Work and surrender in these difficult times are virtues that should be the mark of Muslims and will set us apart if we are sincere. They will not set us apart in a way that forges division, however, but in such a way that draws others to us and in so doing, elevates everyone to greater heights of human understanding, conduct and character.
If, on the other hand, we are preoccupied with portraying an outward image of religiosity that exudes exclusivity and pretense and is coupled with a personality to boot, this can only result in more division rather than unity. And we all know that ‘divide and conquer’ is the great weapon of Iblis. Why might Iblis, the great enemy of God and man, use division to destroy us? Perhaps because it is the opposite of what Allah wants, which is unity? Is not Allah the Divine Unity and does not ultimate success lie with and in Him? Superficial notions of identity can bring no benefit to us or anyone, no matter how ‘Islamic’ our egos might tell us they are.
Substance over Form
The examples of the pendekar are thus lessons in substance over form, and practice over pretense. The only identity that matters to such a one is that which stems from sincerity and action -- a reward for what exists in our hearts. Allah will always show us a mirror image of ourselves through others’ perceptions of us and how we carry ourselves. Our concern, therefore, should not be on how to forge an identity for the purpose of winning others over but rather on being and behaving in a manner that is worthy of Allah’s grace and support. This can only come about when we begin to see ourselves as servants above all else and the world as a place in need of unity and peace rather than division and tribal competitiveness.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Lest we forget...
If you adhere to the things that I am leaving behind, you shall never be misguided.
- Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Ja'bir bin Abd'Allah
- Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Ja'bir bin Abd'Allah
Awe and Intimacy
The effect of awe is the disappearance of self;
the self which is in a state of awe, disappears.
Levels of awe may be measured by the degree to which the self has disappeared;
some people are at a higer level of awe than others.
The effect of intimacy, by contrast, is alertness;
those who are intimate, are alert.
A person who is fully intimate, could be thrown into a fire, and the intimacy would not be disturbed.
-Qushayri, "Risalah"
the self which is in a state of awe, disappears.
Levels of awe may be measured by the degree to which the self has disappeared;
some people are at a higer level of awe than others.
The effect of intimacy, by contrast, is alertness;
those who are intimate, are alert.
A person who is fully intimate, could be thrown into a fire, and the intimacy would not be disturbed.
-Qushayri, "Risalah"
Oh Lord, Where Shall I Seek You?
When Moses conversed with God, he asked, "Lord, where shall I seek You?"
God answered, "Among the brokenhearted."
Moses continued, "But, Lord, no heart could be more despairing than mine."
And God replied, "Then I am where you are."
-Abu’l-Fayd al-Misri, “The Kashf al-Mahjub”
God answered, "Among the brokenhearted."
Moses continued, "But, Lord, no heart could be more despairing than mine."
And God replied, "Then I am where you are."
-Abu’l-Fayd al-Misri, “The Kashf al-Mahjub”
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Belief is Not Inherited
...It is not correct to say that Muslims are Muslims simply because they were born into their religion. This is, in fact, not a position that is religiously acceptable according to the teachings of Islam. Every single Muslim is religiously required to acquire personal conviction of their religion. This personal conviction is reached by contemplating the many signs that God has placed for us to prevent us from being confused regarding what He wants of us.
- Sheikh Hamza Karamali
- Sheikh Hamza Karamali
What Money Can't Buy
You will not be able to give anyone happiness by means of your wealth, so do it by means of a cheerful countenance and good humor.
-The Prophet Muhammad in Qushayri: al-Risalat al-Qushayriyya
-The Prophet Muhammad in Qushayri: al-Risalat al-Qushayriyya
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Life is about Allah, Not me
One thing it might help to remember is that this life is not really all about you and you personal happiness, and when you make it such, that's when you make yourself unhappy.
This life is about Me, and knowing Me and loving Me in every moment, in every pleasure and in every pain.
In fact, pleasures and pains are quite alike in that they are both simply tests of your love for Me. They are able to distract you or able to strengthen you in your love and devotion to Me.
If you turn away from pleasure and you turn away from pain, then you will truly be My slave and know My Love and Appreciation.
It is through the self that you know Me, but not for the sake of the self but for My sake.
It is through the self that you see the Land, and through the Land that you see the self.
But focus on the Land, not the self.
This life is about Me, and knowing Me and loving Me in every moment, in every pleasure and in every pain.
In fact, pleasures and pains are quite alike in that they are both simply tests of your love for Me. They are able to distract you or able to strengthen you in your love and devotion to Me.
If you turn away from pleasure and you turn away from pain, then you will truly be My slave and know My Love and Appreciation.
It is through the self that you know Me, but not for the sake of the self but for My sake.
It is through the self that you see the Land, and through the Land that you see the self.
But focus on the Land, not the self.
Sitting with your Dissatisfaction...
Sitting with your dissatisfaction seems to mean being at peace with your conflict.
If you're involved in your conflict, then you have vested interest, you have conflicting interests, a conflict of interests; you are on one side in favor of that and against another, if you are involved with your conflict.
If you are at peace with your conflict, then you are not involved with it and you can resolve it. Basically what that means is to find peace first and then resolve your conflict.
The process of healing is the process of finding your peace.
From there you can resolve what we call residuals.
That's why we surrender first, then we can learn our faith (Iman) from experience.
- Ali Ansari
If you're involved in your conflict, then you have vested interest, you have conflicting interests, a conflict of interests; you are on one side in favor of that and against another, if you are involved with your conflict.
If you are at peace with your conflict, then you are not involved with it and you can resolve it. Basically what that means is to find peace first and then resolve your conflict.
The process of healing is the process of finding your peace.
From there you can resolve what we call residuals.
That's why we surrender first, then we can learn our faith (Iman) from experience.
- Ali Ansari
Friday, May 25, 2007
Punishing Kids...
As long as families have to exist in a permissive culture, psychologically healthy families need more than healthy communication. Children also need to be punished when they have done something wrong. After all, punishment is a part of the reconciliation process, and unpunished guilt can cause psychological problems of its own.
As I said in the previous section, punishment is just a simple psychological technique to decrease specific behavior. But to be effective, it must be used properly. The punishment, then, must be just: it must be consistent, fair, and adequate to the transgression. And it must be tempered with mercy.
In its psychological sense, mercy means to withhold some—or all—of the punishment demanded by justice if the guilty person shows deep sorrow for his or her behavior. But this is just the easy part. A parent can’t expect to administer punishment by remaining uninvolved. In fact, to administer punishment is to get involved.
Don’t expect to take away a child’s driving privileges and then say, “Well, you need to drive to school, so you can use the car for that. Just come home right after school.” What child couldn’t see through that nonsense—and learn to abuse it immediately? So wake up. You will have to drive your child to and from school, no matter what the inconvenience to you. Don’t expect to confine a child to the house and then expect that you can come and go, leaving the child alone in the house, while saying “Don’t go anywhere.” Wake up again. You will have to stay home and monitor your child, never letting him or her leave your sight. Homework must be done under your supervision, not alone in a bedroom. Meals must be eaten together. Entertainment must be in your presence. Everything must be done in your presence, and, as a result—like it or not—you will be drawn closer to your child. Sound hard? Well, that’s why there are so many family problems: the parents are always too busy to really get involved in the punishment. In the end, you have to accept the fact that the punishment will hurt the parent as much as the child. If it doesn’t, it will never be effective.
- Raymond Lloyd Richmond, PhD
As I said in the previous section, punishment is just a simple psychological technique to decrease specific behavior. But to be effective, it must be used properly. The punishment, then, must be just: it must be consistent, fair, and adequate to the transgression. And it must be tempered with mercy.
In its psychological sense, mercy means to withhold some—or all—of the punishment demanded by justice if the guilty person shows deep sorrow for his or her behavior. But this is just the easy part. A parent can’t expect to administer punishment by remaining uninvolved. In fact, to administer punishment is to get involved.
Don’t expect to take away a child’s driving privileges and then say, “Well, you need to drive to school, so you can use the car for that. Just come home right after school.” What child couldn’t see through that nonsense—and learn to abuse it immediately? So wake up. You will have to drive your child to and from school, no matter what the inconvenience to you. Don’t expect to confine a child to the house and then expect that you can come and go, leaving the child alone in the house, while saying “Don’t go anywhere.” Wake up again. You will have to stay home and monitor your child, never letting him or her leave your sight. Homework must be done under your supervision, not alone in a bedroom. Meals must be eaten together. Entertainment must be in your presence. Everything must be done in your presence, and, as a result—like it or not—you will be drawn closer to your child. Sound hard? Well, that’s why there are so many family problems: the parents are always too busy to really get involved in the punishment. In the end, you have to accept the fact that the punishment will hurt the parent as much as the child. If it doesn’t, it will never be effective.
- Raymond Lloyd Richmond, PhD
Speaking to Children...How to Say 'No'
I’m always deeply saddened when someone attempts to discourage a child’s behavior by saying, “You don’t want to do that.” But of course the child wants to do that! It’s perfectly obvious he wants to do it, or he wouldn’t be trying. So why confuse the child by denying what you both know is perfectly true?
Here, then, is a special hint on how to say “No” to a child without causing psychological hurt. You do this by acknowledging what the child wants and then, without making the child feel guilty or bad simply for having childish desires, explain why the child cannot have what he or she wants.
To a young child say the following:
I know you want to [have some candy, play in the water, chase the birds, whatever . . .] and there are times when you can’t always have what you want.
To an older child (or another adult, for that matter) try saying something like this:
I know that you really would like to [stay out past dark, bungee jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, or whatever . . .] and [the danger of getting mugged, the law, insurance regulations, etc.] just won’t allow it.
The point of such statements is to show the child (a) that you recognize and respect the child’s desire and (b) that since the world is filled with conflicting desires, one’s own desires can’t always be fulfilled. This is an important lesson for children to learn. (Too bad most adults haven’t learned it.)
Said in another way, it’s not that the child’s desire is wrong, it’s simply that, because the world is unfair, all desires cannot always be fulfilled. It’s important to learn that apparent “evil” is, in many cases, simply the conflict between two “goods.” This is why you use the word and, rather than but, between the two parts of your statement.
- Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D.
Here, then, is a special hint on how to say “No” to a child without causing psychological hurt. You do this by acknowledging what the child wants and then, without making the child feel guilty or bad simply for having childish desires, explain why the child cannot have what he or she wants.
To a young child say the following:
I know you want to [have some candy, play in the water, chase the birds, whatever . . .] and there are times when you can’t always have what you want.
To an older child (or another adult, for that matter) try saying something like this:
I know that you really would like to [stay out past dark, bungee jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, or whatever . . .] and [the danger of getting mugged, the law, insurance regulations, etc.] just won’t allow it.
The point of such statements is to show the child (a) that you recognize and respect the child’s desire and (b) that since the world is filled with conflicting desires, one’s own desires can’t always be fulfilled. This is an important lesson for children to learn. (Too bad most adults haven’t learned it.)
Said in another way, it’s not that the child’s desire is wrong, it’s simply that, because the world is unfair, all desires cannot always be fulfilled. It’s important to learn that apparent “evil” is, in many cases, simply the conflict between two “goods.” This is why you use the word and, rather than but, between the two parts of your statement.
- Raymond Lloyd Richmond, Ph.D.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Beware the Black Stain of the Heart
When a believer gives in to temptation, a black stain appears on his heart.
If he repents and asks for forgiveness, that stain disappears.
But if he continues to transgress, the stain continues to grow until it blackens the entire heart. That stain is the rust the Lord Almighty refers to: "Nay, rust has fallen upon their hearts for what they have earned."
-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Abu Hurairah
If he repents and asks for forgiveness, that stain disappears.
But if he continues to transgress, the stain continues to grow until it blackens the entire heart. That stain is the rust the Lord Almighty refers to: "Nay, rust has fallen upon their hearts for what they have earned."
-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Abu Hurairah
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Subdue the Lower Soul
The lower soul dissuades from conforming to faith.
The more the self is subdued, the easier it becomes to glorify God.
When the ego is annihilated, worship becomes sustenance, just as it sustains the angels.
-Al-Hujwiri, “The Kashf al-Mahjub”
The more the self is subdued, the easier it becomes to glorify God.
When the ego is annihilated, worship becomes sustenance, just as it sustains the angels.
-Al-Hujwiri, “The Kashf al-Mahjub”
Looking for God...
God is in the water of the lake;
He is also in the cracked bed of the lake, when the lake has dried up.
God is in the abundant harvest;
He is also in the famine that occurs when the harvest fails.
God is in the lightning; He is also in the darkness, when the lightning has faded....
Brothers and sisters, you pile up stones to make shrines, imagining that God will make Himself present there.
Then you are surprised when these shrines do not ease your cares and worries.
-Hallaj, "Tawasin"
He is also in the cracked bed of the lake, when the lake has dried up.
God is in the abundant harvest;
He is also in the famine that occurs when the harvest fails.
God is in the lightning; He is also in the darkness, when the lightning has faded....
Brothers and sisters, you pile up stones to make shrines, imagining that God will make Himself present there.
Then you are surprised when these shrines do not ease your cares and worries.
-Hallaj, "Tawasin"
Friday, May 11, 2007
Beautiful Du'a
My Lord, how great my desire to meet You, how earnest my hope of Your reward. O Most Gracious, Hope of all hope, O Adored by all, if I be unworthy of You, and my endeavors not deserving of devotion, then gladly shall I confess to my infirmities, my sins. For who could be more forgiving than Yourself? But should You choose to chastise me, I will satisfy myself in the knowledge that no one could be more just than You.
-Sha'wanna, "Rabi'a the Mystic"
-Sha'wanna, "Rabi'a the Mystic"
I Am With My Slave When He Remembers Me...
Remembrance is not remembered.
I do not remember whether or not God remembered me in the past; He remembers me now. God does not remember whether I remembered Him in the past; I remember Him now.
His remembrance is my remembrance, and mine is His.
Can two beings who remember one another not be in union?
-Hallaj: Tawasin
I do not remember whether or not God remembered me in the past; He remembers me now. God does not remember whether I remembered Him in the past; I remember Him now.
His remembrance is my remembrance, and mine is His.
Can two beings who remember one another not be in union?
-Hallaj: Tawasin
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Real Learning
Real learning, real understanding doesn't come from the collection of intellectual data. We all know that there's a big difference between knowing about something and knowing it directly. True knowing is in being and experiencing. Philosophy conjectures what might be possible, realization confirms the Reality as an experience.
There's a difference between actually smelling the scent of a rose and reading a whole book of poetry about the beautiful rose by someone who smelled one. Do you know what makes the rose poetry beautiful? It is after you've already smelled one for yourself that you can remember and recognize the essence of the rose through the recall of your direct experience.
- Sheikh Din Muhammad Abdullah al-Dayemi
There's a difference between actually smelling the scent of a rose and reading a whole book of poetry about the beautiful rose by someone who smelled one. Do you know what makes the rose poetry beautiful? It is after you've already smelled one for yourself that you can remember and recognize the essence of the rose through the recall of your direct experience.
- Sheikh Din Muhammad Abdullah al-Dayemi
Monday, April 30, 2007
The Importance of Ego
An absolute and all-encompassing entity has no limits or terms, and therefore cannot be shaped or formed, and cannot be determined in such a way that its essential nature can be comprehended. For example, light undetermined by darkness cannot be known or perceived. However, light can be determined if a real or hypothetical bounding line of darkness is drawn.
In the same way, the Divine Attributes and Names (e.g., Knowledge, Power, Wisdom, and Compassion) cannot be determined, for they are all-encompassing and have no limits or like. Thus what they essentially are cannot be known or perceived. A hypothetical boundary is needed for them to become known.
In our case, this hypothetical boundary is our ego. Ego imagines within itself a fictitious lordship, power, and knowledge, and so posits a bounding line, hypothesizes a limit to the all-encompassing Attributes, and says: ‘This is mine, and the rest is His.’ Ego thus makes a division. By means of the miniature measure it contains, ego slowly comes to understand the true nature of the Divine Attributes and Names. Through this imagined lordship, ego can understand the Lordship of the Creator of the universe. By means of its own apparent ownership, it can understand the real Ownership of its Creator, saying: ‘As I am the owner of this house, the Creator is the Owner of this creation.’ Through its partial knowledge, ego comes to understand His Absolute Knowledge. Through its defective, acquired art, it can intuit the Exalted Fashioner’s primary, originative art.
- Said Nursi
In the same way, the Divine Attributes and Names (e.g., Knowledge, Power, Wisdom, and Compassion) cannot be determined, for they are all-encompassing and have no limits or like. Thus what they essentially are cannot be known or perceived. A hypothetical boundary is needed for them to become known.
In our case, this hypothetical boundary is our ego. Ego imagines within itself a fictitious lordship, power, and knowledge, and so posits a bounding line, hypothesizes a limit to the all-encompassing Attributes, and says: ‘This is mine, and the rest is His.’ Ego thus makes a division. By means of the miniature measure it contains, ego slowly comes to understand the true nature of the Divine Attributes and Names. Through this imagined lordship, ego can understand the Lordship of the Creator of the universe. By means of its own apparent ownership, it can understand the real Ownership of its Creator, saying: ‘As I am the owner of this house, the Creator is the Owner of this creation.’ Through its partial knowledge, ego comes to understand His Absolute Knowledge. Through its defective, acquired art, it can intuit the Exalted Fashioner’s primary, originative art.
- Said Nursi
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)