Declining a Visit: Islamic Adab

Declining a Visit

If one visits a friend, with or without an appointment and they apologise for not being able to receive you accept their apology without any ill feelings. You should understand that something may have come up for them to decline your visit. Their previous plans, or state of their house, may have made your visit inconvenient. Similarly one should cancel an appointment (in whatever capacity this may be) if one is aware of not being able to attend. This adab is important as it removes any ill feelings that may otherwise linger due to declination. Those that do not decline, or cancel a visit may in turn end up disgracing themselves. It is hence important to fulfil promises and keep appointments and if we are declined, not to hold a grudge.

Allah says:
فَإِن لَّمْ تَجِدُوا فِيهَا أَحَدًا فَلَا تَدْخُلُوهَا حَتَّى يُؤْذَنَ لَكُمْ وَإِن قِيلَ لَكُمُ ارْجِعُوا فَارْجِعُوا هُوَ أَزْكَى لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ عَلِيمٌ

"If ye find no one in the house, enter not until permission is given to you: if ye are asked to go back, go back: that makes for greater purity for yourselves: and Allah knows well all that ye do."
(Quran 24:28)

Many don’t know how to act in such circumstances where a guest arrives and it is not convenient for them to be received. Often people resort to lying, but not only do children learn from this behaviour, but it may lead to further problems. Lying promotes enmity and hatred and displays the signs of the munafiq. Don’t clearly and blatently lie about your presence. Declination of a visit does not require explanation, as not everybody is able to express such reasons. There is hence great importance on not holding a grudge but reflecting on the abover ayah from the Quran. Too much time is spent and wasted today in persuit of minor issues and disputes.

The Tabi’i Qatada ibn Di’ama al-Sudusi said, “Do not hang around the door of those who decline to recieve your visit. Accept their reason, move on to attend to your business, and let them attend to theirs”.

One should not ask for a reason or an explanation as Imam Malik (رحمة الله عليه) used to say;
“Not all people can disclose their excuses”

The one visiting should seek permission by saying; “You’re not busy are you” or “Perhaps you’re busy and can’t receive us” to make the hosts feel at ease. One should always remember even in telephone calls to seek permission to take that persons time, removing any ill feelings if declined. It is important adab not to make it difficult for someone to decline, as that in turn may cause some harm to them or their situation.

Imam al-Tabari in his Tafsir reported that a man of the Muhajirin said, “All my life, I wanted to practice this verse :If ye find no one in the house, enter not until permission is given to you: if ye are asked to go back, go back: that makes for greater purity for yourselves: and Allah knows well all that ye do.” (Quran 24:28), but I could not. I was hoping I would seek permission to visit a brother and he would tell me to ‘Go back!’ I would gladly have left, thus fulfilling the commandment of Allah”

SUMMARY:1. If you can’t make an appointment, cancel it.2. If something comes up, decline your visitor, and tell him to return; but don’t lie!3. If you are declined, don’t hold a grudge.4. Strive to be frank, true, brave, generous by following the example of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and His companions, wherever possible.

Worship is like a work of art...

Worship is like a work of art mastered only by the sincere, the learned scholars who practice what they know, who live and walk among people like everyone else, but in their hearts they seek freedom in the serenity of the wilderness.
Because of this yearning they continue to grow until their spirits soar and become united with the numinous.
About such God says, "Indeed they are the finest of human beings, cherished by us."

-Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jillani, "Fayuz E Yazdani"

The Highest Stage of Worship

The truest and highest stage of worship is to see God face to face, and to receive his guidance from his own mouth.
Those who attain this highest stage, choose for themselves whatever God chooses for them. Their entire characters are transformed by God.
They are God's friends; so they no longer discriminate between people, but regard all people as friends.
Wherever they go, they go from God; wherever they arrive, they arrive at God.
Whatever they do, they do for God; whatever service they perform, they perform it in God.
The self has been truly annihilated.

- Junayd, "Tawhid"

Islam is an Easy Religion

I am often troubled by the Muslim that believes, and even pushes, other Muslims into thinking that to be a 'good' Muslim, one must participate in any (or all) or the X number of "Islamic" organizations out there, and if one chooses not to, then somehow we are not being supportive of Islam or are even letting down our ummah by not doing so.

To these people I say beware. I say beware because in truth Islam is a simple religion. It is not a religion of grandiose political movements. It is a religion of faith and doing simple good deeds, first and foremost with and for those who are closest to you and then others if you have the ability to do so. It is not about making your brothers and sisters feel guilty for not being as "Islamic" as you.

From Sahih Muslim: Abu Huraira narrates that the Prophet (sas) said: "Who began this day fasting?" Abu Bakr said: "I did." The Prophet (sas) said: "Who participated in a funeral procession today?" Abu Bakr said: "I did." The Prophet (sas) said: "Who fed a needy person today?" Abu Bakr said: "I did." The Prophet (sas) said: "Who visited a sick person today?" Abu Bakr said: "I did." Then, the Prophet (sas) said: "These things cannot all meed in a single person but that they will enter Paradise."

This is just one example among hundreds of how Islam is a deen of substance and essence and not superficiality and grandeur. Seemingly simple deeds such as feeding someone, attending a funeral, attending a wedding, helping someone in some small way, when done with a sincere heart are certainly Islamic and naturally loved by Allah.

Ramadan should be a time of refocusing our energies and spirit on the essence of what matters most, which is striving for, to and in Allah, through sincere worship and good deeds. Let us all (and I remind myself of this first!) remember that the seemingly most simple or basic of deeds can be among the most highly beloved to Allah. We are not here to play God by judging others for what we see on the outside, but to focus our time and energy on our Selves -- their purification, improvement and enlightenment.

For how can unity be achieved accept through the acceptance of each other's sincere efforts, even if they be of a different nature than our own?

May this very special month fill our hearts with love, mercy and gratitude.

To be honored with membership in the community of Allah's Beloved,
To be honored with witnessing this month of mercy and forgiveness,
To be honored with invitation into the Presence of the One five times per day,
To be honored with the desire to do good unto others,
To be honored with a religion called 'peaceful surrender',
To be honored with friends and companions who share this special bond...

Thank you Allah, thank you Allah, thank you Allah....

Prayer

Prayer is that which enables the soul to realize its divinity.
Through prayer human beings worship absolute truth, and seek an eternal reward.
Prayer is the foundation-stone of religion; and religion is the means by which the soul is purified of all that pollutes it.
Prayer is the worship of the first cause of all things, the supreme ruler of all the world, the source of all strength.
Prayer is the adoration of the one whose being is necessary.

-Ibn Sina, “Kitab al-Najat”

Nothing Resembles its Consequences

Human beings are created from the dust of the earth; but do they resemble dust?
Grapes come from vines; but do grapes look like vines?
Does theft have the same shape as gallows?
Does piety resemble eternal life?
Nothing resembles its consequences. So the root of pain and torment is not evil.

- Rumi, "Mathnawi"

Welcome Back to Islam...

An amazing story for all of us to learn from....

http://www.welcome-back.org/profile/aminah1.shtml

Once the ego is overcome peace follows...

Once the ego is overcome peace follows.
"Only God and no living creature has the power to control destinies."
With that conviction entrust all your cares to the Lord and follow the path of the Truth, conforming to the divine edicts, until you attain union with Him and become as pure as Adam before whom all creatures prostrated.

- Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jillani, "Fayuz E Yazdani"

Ultimate Bliss

Once a person said to a dervish, "All I ask for is a small dwelling in Paradise."

The dervish replied, "If you displayed the same contentment with what you already have in this world, you would have found ultimate bliss."

-Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jillani, "Fayuz E Yazdani"

The Divine Wisdom in Melancholy

Melancholy may enter your soul, and ambush your happiness; but it will prepare you for true joy.
Melancholy drives out all other emotions and feelings, so the source of all goodness may occupy the whole house.
It shakes the yellow leaves from the tree, allowing fresh leaves to grow.
It pulls up old bodily pleasures by the roots, allowing divine spiritual pleasures to be planted. Melancholy takes many things from the soul, in order to bring better things in return.

-Rumi, "Mathnawi"

Using Your Gift

You are given your Divine Name, which God has always known. It is always a manifestation of a Divine Quality in you. You are encouraged to use it, thereby inviting others use it and feel its quality, which surrounds you (and them) with the light of its reality, and dispels illusion (at least for a moment).

- Ali Ansari

Gluttony

Gluttony feeds on itself. The more that the appetite is indulged, the stronger it becomes - and the harder it is to control. But if the appetite is restrained, then it soon grows weak and feeble, and finally disappears altogether.

-Razi, "Kitab al-Muluki"

Al-Ghazali on the Knowledge of Allah

Not only are man's attributes a reflection of Allah's attributes, but the mode of existence of man's soul affords some insight into Allah's mode of existence. That is to say, both Allah and the soul are invisible, indivisible, unconfined by space and time, and outside the categories of quantity and quality; nor can the ideas of shape, colour, or size attach to them. People find it hard to form a conception of such realities as are devoid of quality and quantity, etc., but a similar difficulty attaches to the conception of our everyday feelings, such as anger, pain, pleasure, or love. They are thought-concepts, and cannot be cognised by the senses; whereas quality, quantity, etc., are sense-concepts. Just as the ear cannot take cognisance of colour, nor the eye of sound, so, in conceiving of the ultimate realities, Allah and the soul, we find ourselves in a region in which sense-concepts can bear no part. So much, however, we can see, that, as Allah is Ruler of the universe, and, being Himself beyond space and time, quantity and quality, governs things that are so conditioned, so that soul rules the body and its members, being itself invisible, indivisible, and unlocated in any special part. For how can the indivisible be located in that which is divisible? From all this we see how true is the saying of the Prophet, "Allah created man in His own likeness."

- Al-Ghazali, "The Alchemy of Happiness"

Gentleness

He who is deprived of gentleness is deprived of good.

-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

Parents: How Aware Are We?

PARENTING IN THE 21ST CENTURY
How Aware Are We?
by Greg Wendt

Sometimes I wonder how I knew anything about life before I had children. They teach me everything that is important. Buckminster Fuller was right when he said we underestimate children. Perhaps hundreds of years from now, in some future society, adults will look to the innocence and truthfulness of children as a model to live by.

Young children do a number of things very well, and far better than do adults. For instance, children make friends very easily. They approach life with openness and trust; that is, until the harsh realities of the world adults created shatter their feeling of safety. Their hearts are open to new experiences and people. Seeing someone their own age fills them with excitement and anticipation. An unlimited potential for joy and fun awaits them through every new encounter. Sure, there can be shyness, reservation and fear, but these barriers usually fall away quickly and children find a way to bond almost instantly.

For adults, this is not so easy. We have been taught to mistrust, to be guarded, to be afraid of strangers, to be wary of people we don't know-especially if they are different. Children do not perceive these barriers. They crave relationship, just as we do. But they don't hide this desire with layers of impenetrable psychological armor. At least not until they are taught to do so. Sadly, not-so-young children are learning to hide behind internet connections, seeking so-called friends on MySpace and the like. Innocence doesn't need MySpace. Innocence is a magnet for true relationship.

Another thing children do far better than adults is generate their own fun and entertainment. With their vivid imaginations and an inner drive to explore, experience and create, children turn virtually any environment into their unique play-world.

Sand is transformed into castles, puddles become oceans, blank sheets of paper are filled with color. They don't need much, because they have a rich fountain of creativity at their disposal. That is, unless we adults expose them to that which clogs up the fountain.

As 21st century parents, we grew up experiencing the beginnings of the modern, ultra-commercial-ized society in which advertising began to explode, including commercials aimed directly at children. If we watched much television, and most of us did, we were taught early on that happiness comes from acquiring lots of cool things and going to lots of fun places. In other words, we were pulled out of our limitless imagination and placed in a box where only the right toy, candy, movie, or theme park could make us happy. We became shackled by these illusions and unhappy when we couldn't fulfill them; and we were too young to understand what was happening to us.

Now, in the blink of an eye, we are adults with children of our own. Consciously and unconsciously we are passing our beliefs, ideologies and habits onto them. Have we examined the forces that shaped our outlook on life? Do our decisions reflect what is healthy for our children, or have we unconsciously bought into the status quo of mass entertainment, sugar-laced foods, and over-stimulation of the senses?

These questions are worth examining. Children have one short opportunity to be children. Every day is precious and important to their healthy development. We must be conscious and vigilant about what and how we expose the world to them. There are many seemingly benign forces in the every-day world that are not at all friendly to children. Likewise there are hidden opportunities for positive growth that we may not be aware of. It is up to us to be awake and to know the difference.

Those Who Fear Allah Flee to Him

Fear is like a candle whose flame helps a person distinguish goodness from evil;
and fear of God allows a person to turn away from evil.
Those who fear mere creatures flee from them;
but those who fear God flee to Him.

-Rabi'a, in "Rabi'a the Mystic"

Peace or Freedom: Must we Choose Between Them?

Abdul-Lateef Abdullah

"Peace alone is not enough. Peace can even mean slavery sometimes. Peace and freedom is what we have to have."
- Casper Weinberger, former U.S. Secretary of Defense

The above quote by the late Casper Weinberger says a lot about what many people believe peace to mean, which is nothing more than external order or simply the absence of physical hostility and war. There is a growing perception that Muslims are monolithically in favor of such a dictatorial notion of peace, where people have very little freedom. Media coverage of masked Middle East protestors carrying placards reading “Freedom Go To Hell” and similar images paint a picture of a people and religion that is hostile to the notion of human freedom. But is this really the case about Islam? How does the Islamic worldview make sense of these seemingly opposing concepts?

What is the Meaning of Peace in Islam?
Have you ever seen the lightness of heart of the innocent child at play? How about that famous scene from the Oscar-nominated film ‘A Beautiful Life’, where after being imprisoned in a Nazi work camp, the father tries to hide the horrible truth from his son by pretending that their captivity is a big life-size game where the other prisoners and guards are all actors. The boy is led to believe that the winner of the game is the one who plays along for the longest period of time. The child’s innocence allows him to believe that it is in fact merely a game and so he willfully plays along, not realizing the truthful horror of the situation. The innocent child is a perfect example of the type of freedom that results from a heart at peace. From a heart at peace, freedom is the child’s only reality.

“…Every time you are able to clear your mind of preoccupations you return to being a child. This is why Jesus said, ‘You will not enter The Dominion until you return and become like children,' that is until you have no preoccupations except with God. This is the idea of continuous childhood, this is the idea of the returning to purity…” - Dr. Asad Ali

Peace in Islam is arrived at in the same manner, i.e. through a peaceful heart. The entire life of Islam – both the outward and inward – is geared towards this one goal – a heart at peace with the Ultimate Reality; with its Lord and His will. The heart at peace is by definition, free, and knows a freedom beyond words. It is a freedom that is not limited by physical space, poverty, or destitution, for it is a state of inner being that is not predicated on its outer, temporary predicament.

Through the lens of the heart many people in the world are not free -- even those in ‘free’ countries – for such people are often imprisoned not by political or legal restrictions, but by attachments and what lies in the dark recesses of the heart. Most of us are not truly free because our hearts are chained to worldliness; thus, we are at the mercy of our appetites and surroundings even if those surroundings include democracy, free markets and material prosperity.

Peace in Islam is inseparable from freedom, for true freedom is a product of real peace. While not everyone who is free is at peace, anyone who has tasted true peace is, while in that state, free. For true peace is liberation from the terror and hostility that first exists in our minds and hearts. Peace means the end of struggle and begins within rather than without. The greater ‘jihad’ in Islam is understood as the struggle to end struggle. It is the greater struggle to free ourselves from that which prevents us from truly being ourselves, namely, our ego/nafs and its worldly desires and fears. Can anyone honestly claim that anyone who lives their lives in utter enslavement to the need to look a certain way, maintain a certain image, achieve a certain social or economic status, have certain things, think a certain way, drive a certain kind of car, watch certain TV shows, or buy certain things is really free? This is not freedom; rather, it is naught but slavery to the lower self -- that part of us that wants and wants and wants endlessly; that tricks us into thinking that when we finally get X, Y and Z, then we’ll have peace. It’s the great illusion that has existed since the beginning of time; nevertheless, much of humanity continues to remain perfectly (dis)content living this illusion of ‘peace’ resulting from ‘freedom’.

We all Seek the Same Thing
In truth, everyone is ultimately seeking peace and happiness – perfect contentment; heaven, nirvana, whatever you want to call it. The miser, the criminal, the saint, the rebel -- everyone is in essence after the same thing. We are all trying to reach a state that will allow us to simply be ‘at peace’. But what does this really mean? It means none other than the complete elimination of desires. What else would you be if you had absolutely no desires other than perfectly content, i.e. in perfect peace? A place where there is no room for desire, for the beast within has been tamed.

When we seek to fulfill the desires of the lower selves we give in to the illusion that the ego has created for us, but actually it is only the animal aspect of ourselves that has been temporarily subdued. But that aspect of ourselves is a trickster; however, not a malicious one, for if not for the ego and its attachments we would never seek the Divine and yearn for that perfect state of peace – true peace resulting from contentment in God. Thus there would be no reason or need for worship, for yearning, for shedding tears out of the need for intimacy with the Divine. In fact, there would be nothing but peace; no desires, no fears, no doubts, no reasons to be unjust or selfish – just perfect tranquility. Sounds like heaven.

Understanding the Self
The ego gets us thinking that having more of something will make the desire for it go away. For example, when we are hungry, we eat so that our hunger will go away. But what happens after that? In a little while, we are hungry again, and often we desire more than we wanted the first time. Only through the knowledge that eating more will not be good for us, or will make us fat, or because we cannot afford to do we discipline ourselves to maintain moderation in eating. This is the science of addiction. We indulge in something because we have a desire for it and we want to fulfill that desire, i.e. make the desire go away. Once the desire is gone, we are content, until the desire comes back stronger than before, causing us to increase our intake of what made the desire go away in the first place. This vicious circle turns into a downward spiral and ultimately has a tragic ending unless an ‘intervention’ occurs. That is why things like drugs are so addictive. They create a state that is so ‘peaceful’ that when we are taken out of that state, the desire to return to it becomes animalistic in its intensity. This is the way of the nafs, the Lower Self that is animalistic in nature.

However, there is a higher part of us that can never go away and is always dwelling in permanent peace, and that part of us is often not realized unless we are taught how to be conscious of it and live a way of life that honors it. That is the spirit/soul, the part that is but the breath of the Divine, and is the Higher Self. When we live according to what is best for this Self, then we escape the prison of endless appetite. The cycle of hunger and satiation is ended, or at least greatly reduced, controlled and understood.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between 2 wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed." – Author Unknown

Permanent vs. Illusory Peace
Permanent peace is that permanent state of the Higher Self, and ultimately, the true potential of all of us. The prophets and saints dwell permanently in this state and thus experience a freedom beyond words, for their hearts are free of the world and the need to have any part of it. Though they are completely human and feel pain, suffering and the like, they are content with having nothing of the world for they live in total realization of the Higher Self which is forever dwelling in the Divine Presence. Dirt and gold are the same to them. Every moment of life is a gift. They exist only to serve and to give of themselves. Their law is love of God. They ask nothing of any mortal being for their sustenance is provided directly from Allah. This is the pure human being, the potential Self realized.

The difference between these two human states is total enslavement to total freedom. The one that lives according to his base appetites will forever be imprisoned by his seeking of peace via the world (of which he will never arrive at), while the one that lives in honor of the True Self will be a slave only to the Divine, resulting in total liberation of the self from worldly attachments. The former may know peace temporarily at certain times, but that peace can never be real or lasting, for the desires of the ego will continuously ‘up the ante’ in order to be satiated. The former path is one that can only lead downward while the latter can only lead to greater heights. The ego can only be purified, dissolved, annihilated; its thirst cannot be quenched. It must be respected and forgiven, but it cannot be given the reins to rule (Ansari, 2001).

True peace and freedom begin when we fulfill our primary obligation as human beings, which is to know God as He wishes us to know Him. The beauty of this is that in knowing God and because of the nature of the way He has created us, we get to know ourselves also, and thereby obtain the keys to a deep knowing of humanity and thereby to all knowledge. It is obviously not to say that one human brain could contain all the knowledge available to humanity. But there is a key to understanding all that we need to understand in any given moment. And the cost of that key is the sacrifice of our presumptions (Ansari, 2001).


References:
Ali, A. (2005). A Visit With Dr. Asad Ali. http://www.sufism.org/society/articles/Damascus.html.

Ansari, A. (2001). On individual realization. http://surrenderworks.com/library/self/another.html.

Ecstasy

True ecstasy is passive: it overwhelms the heart without any intention or deliberate effort.
It is the fruit of spiritual devotion and worship.
The deeper is your devotion to God, and the more intense is your worship, the more likely you are to receive ecstasy from God.
In a state of ecstasy the heart is lost to God.

-Qushayri, "Risalah"

True Love

O Beloved of hearts, I beseech only You.
Have pity this day on those who turn to You.
My Hope, my Rest, my Delight,
this heart can love none other but You.

-Rabi'a, "Rabi'a the Mystic"

Addressing God

When people address God in words – in the form of intimate conversation, petition and pleading, gratitude, remorse and repentance, and so on – they are in a position of separateness from God.

When they address God directly through the heart, and when they listen to him in the heart, they are in a position of union with God.

-Qushayri, "Risalah"