This was written by a brother in the U.S. reflecting on his experiences leading prayer during the night of nisfu sha'ban. It is a beautiful example of a Muslim's reflection on the experience of prayer, something that is painfully missing from most Muslim's daily discourse. The personal experience of Islam is, even in Muslim countries, something that seems to be rarely discussed these days. Despite the sheer number of opportunities we have to reflect on and share our experiences as Muslims, we seldom do it. Yet, so much can be learned and gained from sharing on the path to Allah....
As-alaamu Alay’kum,
I just want to share a reflection about our Laylat ul-Baraa’ah (Night of Emancipation) gathering last night. I had the privilege to be the imam for 20 rak’at of the salat prayer, and during that time particularly, I felt very clear and focused on the prayer, without the normal mind-chatter that usually creeps in at just about every moment. It was very uplifting to continually bow down and put my forehead on the carpet after the numerous repetitions of Allah hu Akbar—God is Great. For a time, there was nothing else going on.
I noticed it was far more difficult to maintain such clarity and focus when I re-joined the prayer line. I was no longer responsible for leading the congregation. I was now responsible for doing my best to be an upright member of the group, but the mind-chatter came tumbling back in.
It became clear to me in these moments that taking leadership, in service to Allah, where the welfare of others takes precedence over oneself is a chance to feel the closeness of Allah and a clearness of the mind. You see, originally, I did not want to lead the prayer. I feared my mind would be too distracted and I would “mess-up.” But thanks to Rafi’s invitation and simple encouragement, I took that one step towards Allah, and Allah took countless steps in my direction.
I know these words can’t express the beauty of how it felt to recite Qur’an over and over again, hearing my voice, feeling my body, hearing the congregation respond, all in a divine dance, a collective Dhikr, purifying ourselves on this night of emancipation, but I wanted to share what I could….
