Declining a Visit: Islamic Adab

Declining a Visit

If one visits a friend, with or without an appointment and they apologise for not being able to receive you accept their apology without any ill feelings. You should understand that something may have come up for them to decline your visit. Their previous plans, or state of their house, may have made your visit inconvenient. Similarly one should cancel an appointment (in whatever capacity this may be) if one is aware of not being able to attend. This adab is important as it removes any ill feelings that may otherwise linger due to declination. Those that do not decline, or cancel a visit may in turn end up disgracing themselves. It is hence important to fulfil promises and keep appointments and if we are declined, not to hold a grudge.

Allah says:
فَإِن لَّمْ تَجِدُوا فِيهَا أَحَدًا فَلَا تَدْخُلُوهَا حَتَّى يُؤْذَنَ لَكُمْ وَإِن قِيلَ لَكُمُ ارْجِعُوا فَارْجِعُوا هُوَ أَزْكَى لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ عَلِيمٌ

"If ye find no one in the house, enter not until permission is given to you: if ye are asked to go back, go back: that makes for greater purity for yourselves: and Allah knows well all that ye do."
(Quran 24:28)

Many don’t know how to act in such circumstances where a guest arrives and it is not convenient for them to be received. Often people resort to lying, but not only do children learn from this behaviour, but it may lead to further problems. Lying promotes enmity and hatred and displays the signs of the munafiq. Don’t clearly and blatently lie about your presence. Declination of a visit does not require explanation, as not everybody is able to express such reasons. There is hence great importance on not holding a grudge but reflecting on the abover ayah from the Quran. Too much time is spent and wasted today in persuit of minor issues and disputes.

The Tabi’i Qatada ibn Di’ama al-Sudusi said, “Do not hang around the door of those who decline to recieve your visit. Accept their reason, move on to attend to your business, and let them attend to theirs”.

One should not ask for a reason or an explanation as Imam Malik (رحمة الله عليه) used to say;
“Not all people can disclose their excuses”

The one visiting should seek permission by saying; “You’re not busy are you” or “Perhaps you’re busy and can’t receive us” to make the hosts feel at ease. One should always remember even in telephone calls to seek permission to take that persons time, removing any ill feelings if declined. It is important adab not to make it difficult for someone to decline, as that in turn may cause some harm to them or their situation.

Imam al-Tabari in his Tafsir reported that a man of the Muhajirin said, “All my life, I wanted to practice this verse :If ye find no one in the house, enter not until permission is given to you: if ye are asked to go back, go back: that makes for greater purity for yourselves: and Allah knows well all that ye do.” (Quran 24:28), but I could not. I was hoping I would seek permission to visit a brother and he would tell me to ‘Go back!’ I would gladly have left, thus fulfilling the commandment of Allah”

SUMMARY:1. If you can’t make an appointment, cancel it.2. If something comes up, decline your visitor, and tell him to return; but don’t lie!3. If you are declined, don’t hold a grudge.4. Strive to be frank, true, brave, generous by following the example of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) and His companions, wherever possible.